Reason
by Yoru no Kuronue
Summary: Leo looks on Ryo as his reason for...what? He himself would like to know. Not drabble.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Ryo or Leo. I own this particular plot twist.**

**Yoru: I have had this idea for a while, but didn't decide to write it until an interesting discussion I had today.**

**Kuronue: A three hour discussion.**

**Yoru: Longer. Good one, though. I have discovered someone on campus who agrees with me about Leo, how he is not evil and not heartless. **** Thank God for that.**

**Kuronue: And now on to the fic.**** It's in Leo's POV.**** I guess if you want to see this as romance, you can, but Yoru firmly believes in ****DeeRyo****. So this is not written to be ****LeoRyo****, except in purely physical aspects. **

You know that old cliché, "across the room, their eyes met"?

It's usually associated with smutty love stories; the kind that lonely girls read when they think nobody can find them. My wife reads them on occasion, when she's not having an affair. I've grown used to the quiet sobs in the basement when she reaches the end, when the man and the woman finally come together after so many trials and tribulations have kept them apart.

I've never been the romantic type. Except with my wife, Alicia, I'm the sex-and-run guy. Alicia is the only woman I've ever really cared for, really loved.

So when my eyes met his, it was a glance of indifference.

Well, not really. I've never been indifferent toward this particular individual. I act like I am to throw him off, but I think he knows that he is my reason for living.

At least in that he hasn't killed me yet.

Anyway, we were in the same bar. I happened to take a fancy to look around and see if anyone interesting was there. Lo and behold, who did I see but Ryo McLean. I did the first thing that popped into my head as he glared at me.

I smirked.

I found out shortly thereafter that he was not in the mood for smirking, especially not from me. He leaped across the room and slammed me into the bar.

"Do not fuck with me tonight, Grant," he growled, the words a rumble in his throat. Absurdly, the thought that Ryo would make a fantastic cat flashed across my mind.

"Oh, and why not? Had a fight with your esteemed lover?"

"Guys, take it outside," snapped the bartender suddenly, shoving Ryo off of me. I sat up, straightening my clothing.

"Care to take his offer, Ryo?" I asked pseudo-conversationally. He glared at me for a moment before grabbing his coat and stomping outside. I paid the bartender and followed.

As I expected, upon reaching the end of earshot range from the bar, Ryo grabbed me again.

"Why the hell are you following me?" he snarled. I pulled his hands off of me and, with a long-suffering sigh, straightened my clothes again.

"I thought I was supposed to."

"I…" He stopped and leaned against the wall.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.

"Not to you," was the short reply. I sighed.

"To whom, then, may I ask?"

Silence reigned. Suddenly Ryo slid down the wall.

"After I had my face-off with you, I tried to get Dee to---to fuck me."

Suddenly, it was as though a light shone through my confusion.

"I see." I slid down beside him, "Feeling a little guilty, are we?"

"I knew I shouldn't have tried to talk to you." Ryo's glare could have melted ice.

"You haven't, yet. Just told me a possibility for why you might be a tad…off the handle." On one hand, I cared little for Ryo's love problems. But on the other, I felt as though perhaps a weight would be lifted off my shoulders if I could get him to trust me just a little.

"After I couldn't shoot you, Dee took me to his house. I don't know what came over me. I just…I kissed him, and asked him to make love to me. For a second I thought he would, and then he slapped me."

For the first time, I noticed that the side of Ryo's face was a little red.

"Not just a lover's spat, then."

"We're not lovers." Ryo put his head in his hands.

"Then what are you?"

"I don't know. Friends."

"You habitually ask your friends to make love to you?" I chuckled, though inside I was battling with my emotions.

"Look, Grant, if you're not going to be understanding, I'm leaving."

"You didn't decide to talk to me because I'm the understanding sort."

A slight inclination of the head was the only signal of his assent.

"Ryo, I meant what I said. If you want to kill me, I'll let you." I knew that this might not be the right thing to say, but at the same time I thought he needed to understand that sentiment.

"I don't want to kill you."

I arched an eyebrow, "Really now?"

He glared at me again.

"Well, considering the circumstances of our acquaintance," I began, but he cut me off.

"It's not that I don't want to kill you," he amended, "It's that I don't think it would solve anything. My parents would still be dead and you wouldn't be able to feel any more pain."

"So you want me to suffer?"

"I guess that's one way of saying it. I think it's more like I want to hit you."

"Go ahead." I smiled invitingly at him. He stared at me for a moment, and then turned away.

"No. I don't want to do it if you'll let me."

"Shall I run and let you catch me, then? That way it'll at least feel like I'm not letting you."

"Grant, shut up." He pushed me halfheartedly. Obligingly I let myself fall to the concrete.

"I will be totally submissive to you," I said suddenly. I don't know what made me say it. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, maybe it was the sudden tension in the air. Oh, wait. My words created that tension.

"No matter what you want to do to me, Ryo. Kill me, hit me, fuck me, I don't care. Your parents' death was my damnation, Ryo. You are my penance."

As I said the words, watched his eyes widen in sudden realization, I knew it was true. Ryo was the reason that I had not run away that night. I was going to Hell for that one night, beyond any others. My hands are covered in blood, but none of the other bloody nights would be enough to damn me forever.

That one was, and I knew it.

"Leo, you can't be serious."

"You know I am." The fact that he said my name for the first time that night almost slipped through my grasp. He looked away from me.

"Get up. I don't want to do any of those things to you."

"Like I'm going to believe that." I sat up. He refused to look at me.

Hesitantly, I reached out and cupped his cheek, bringing his face around to look at me.

"Ryo, you are my reason." I didn't say for what. I think he knew. His eyes filled with tears.

"Leo, I can't do this."

I kissed him. Solidly, almost harshly, I kissed him. I opened my eyes a crack to see the tears running freely down his face as he kissed me back just as desperately.

That night was rough, not loving, but we both got what we needed most.

He got his pity-fuck, I got my penance. I'd still go to Hell, but my shoulders would be free of weight.

Afterwards, we lay entwined on the alley floor, panting, hurting, but fulfilled.

"Thank you, Leo."

"Do you forgive me, Ryo?" I asked him. He forced a smile and nodded, but his eyes told another story.

I got up and started to dress. He watched me for a moment before following suit.

"Now what?" I heard him mutter.

"Now you go back to Dee and pretend this never happened. I go back to my wife."

"And pretend this never happened?"

I laughed humorlessly, "She'll know."

"So will Dee."

"I don't think he's that observant. He'll only know if you tell him." I raked my fingers through my hair and let it place itself.

"You don't know him." Ryo pulled his coat on and started to walk out of the alley.

"Ryo."

He turned.

"You are my reason."

With a slight nod, he left.

I went back home to Alicia. Exiting the bedroom, she took one look at me and shook her head.

"Feel better now that you fucked him, Liotta?" she whispered. I took off my coat and inwardly wondered how she knew. But then, she always knew, just like I always knew with her.

"His parents would be turning in their graves," she continued.

"I don't think so. I think they're celebrating. Their son has forgiven me, why shouldn't they do the same?"

"He hasn't forgiven you, Liotta. He never will." And she went back to bed. I stayed up a long time before joining her.

You know, she was right. Ryo would never forgive me. He went back to Dee, I was back with Alicia, and I wasn't forgiven until the day I died. His eyes had informed me thus on that night.

But my reason never wavered. Not once in all the time I knew Ryo. What was my reason, really? I'll probably never know. Ryo does, and that's all I care about.

Love isn't the right word, and lust is certainly out of the question. But devotion?

Yeah, that might work.

Devotion to him who saved me.

All because our eyes met across a room. How sappy can you get?


End file.
